I'm not here.

Happy Happy. My sister and i spend the whole day bumming around playing pokemon. It's so weird actually, i havent played that silly game in five years..! It's quite addicting. I hung around her room with my game boy at hand and her on the pc. we were both playing the same game, same version. :)

Lodidooodidi... ^^

My older sister's the competion, the ally and the spy all at the same time. ^^

I still feel bad that i didnt get to go to friendlies and that i wont be going to training this saturday... My sisters shall compensate... Yay...^^
*sigh*

Sari was right when she said that once I obsess over him, you'll get over him. The obsession was easily done, it came naturally, not that it's over, i'm glad. Things still remind of him. *he's bloody everywhere!* But.. this time, he just seems so boring.. So.. plain, so used up. It's not a conflict of interest nor is it a mid-"crush" crisis like others have told me but a sense of realization that i'm finally done with crushing on him. ^^ It took a lot of months but i'm finally satisfied with my "present" likes... :P

wahahaha...

like van. ^^ and syao-kun.

^^
right com-mates?:P

bishis rule! lol.

but then there's soccer...
and the guys that come with it...
:)

back from club noah!!:))

back from paradise, i'll update more later..

time to be honest.there are SOME silly secrets that i'd like to share with the whole world. After reading can you keep a secret, i guess there's no way but to be honest.:P

1. I'm afraid of balls at times...
2. I still love barbie dolls and hello kitty character doll things...
3. Sometimes i'm afraid of the dark
4. Sometimes i put an alarm to wake myself up but when it rings i turn it off an snooze some more
5. i'm lazy
6. i'm a dweeb
7. i can't play the guitar that well
8. i'm afraid of frogs except tree frogs
9. I like jumping around to music that makes me hyper
10.I like playing air-guitar
11.I dream of him a lot lately
12.I have a big crush on Brandon Boyd. heck that aint know secret.
13.I have snow white sheets
14.I never liked disappointing anyone
15.I've never tasted an asparagus in my life
16.I cheated on my vegan diet with mcdo chicken nuggets
17.I eat a LOT
18.I drank coke out of a baby bottle until i was six-seven during night time
19.I miss my first yaya all the time
20.I'm a hopeless pathetic romantic
21.I've always wanted to be pretty
22.I'm not that confident in fact i'm such a wuss.
23.Sometimes I feel like i want to die, as in suicide
24.I'm honestly pathetic
25.I cry on my own sometimes
26.I thought i was in the bathroom when i was dreaming so i peed in my bed when i was... around 5-6
27.I'm childlike and childish
28.I'm actually reaaally sweet
29.I'm a softie
30.It takes a while before i warm up to ANYONE
31.The opposite sex used to make me reaaally nervous, until now i think, sometimes i feel so unsure of myself.
32.I hate screwing up
33.I have nightmares about dinosaurs eating me up
34.I've always wanted to be a.. *ahem* supermodel*ahem* *patttheetic*
35.It took a lot of guts writing this.

GRABE! I've never felt so embarrassed in my life. That's a lot. Hmmmmm... Dont use any against me. :)) Dont really care anyway. Hope i made you laugh.

Walking in the toy store made my eyes widen, It was so cool. I havent been a toy store in the longest time. despite the fourteen years of age, i felt like i was six and a half all over again. I felt like the kid i really was. I cant seem to get rid of the little girl inside of me who kept hopping to one toy to another.

I have this fantasy that when I'd get rich early and buy all the toys in the world and share/give them to all those other kids who wanted but unfortunately unable to purchase their own. I dreamt that when I was six, and I still want to do it.

I still loved gazing at all the barbie dolls in boxes that covered the whole wall. I loved playing make believe with my toys, having a silly love story on my own.. Except i never had my own ken doll. So i guess you could say i had to stick to barbie-the-older-sister-and-kelly-the-younger-sis story. I had the whole set, i had the house, living room, bedroom, the only thing that I was missing was the bathroom. WEIRD.

I have always loved looking at their clothes, barbie's i mean. I mean, she's always so elegant. But she was never THE prettiest. She was just a barbie. A doll. I guess i just liked dressing her up and playing stories with her. But i STILL love barbie. pathetic but true.

I went to the enlarged polly pocket and started to feel the silly happiness i usually feel when i'm surrounded by toys. I even saw the fishing thing where in you have a little rod and a "pool" full of spinning fish, with magnet in their mouths. The goal? To catch them with the rod. :P I used to love that.

Next.. LEGO. I LOVE LEGO. I used to love building houses, ships and cars. I saw the ferrari lego, i wanted it. I had a lot of reasons why. first was it was lego, second it was a toy, third it was a collectible and FOURTH.. MATTEO:))

I saw all the stuffed toys, wahhh, i felt like i was going to go crazy with childlike happiness. I couldnt believe myself, i kept knocking things off the rack continously! hahaha, the child in me.

I'm going to look for all my toys this summer and play with them, it'll be a test on my imagination, whether or not i'm still an imagineer. I bet i am, because i wouldnt have thought of the soap opera episode of ken and barbie i dramatically made up. :))

I'm soooo pathetic and i enjoy it.

I'm just a kid after allÜ
By heart and out. :)

new icon i made myself..anyone who wants me to make them one?:P soon i'll be charging:))=))

these past few days have been paradise, even with their flaws. I havent felt this loved in a very long time. At our last day of school, I slept over at Cara's, along with Sao and Shelley. I had the best time, it wasnt because of the batch night like we expected, but the jumping to the cd i made for them, our singing of 'a thousand miles', the pocky, the junkfood, Cara's closet.. Cara was the best, she was really nice to us and her whole family was absolutely lovely. {sounds weird} They were all so nice, i felt so welcome. We had so much fun BEFORE and AFTER the batchnight, heck, i hated the batchnight, 'nuff said. After ditching the batchnight, we went to mcdo and ate there, then we went back to cara's abode and hung out there, Sari kept laughing silly and soon we devoured the bags of junk food that we shopped for earlier.

I guess, it's true, friends are people who will let you feel loved.

When we were preparing for the batchnight, i have never felt so pretty. *maybe i have but..* My friends were really really really nice. I cant even find the right words for it. They really made me feel beautiful. They were very convincing.

That's why I want to thank the Mafia, they've taught me an important lesson this weekend, no matter how i look like, i will always be beautiful. *cheezy mehn.but true. :)*
Cara, sao and shell, you guys really made my weekend.
You gave me the confidence:)

awweee...


After being dropped at sari's house, me and sao went to eastwood to watch a movie, your bestfriend , a pizza and a movie is always a great combination.Mwah sao, had soooo much fun watching robots with you.

Today i went shopping. Yay! bought a new bathing suit, and slippers. all orange. I went canvassing for a new pair of soccer shoes, i've got my eyes on the pumas in toby's. (toby's ba?) it's 2k but i'll all the worth.

WHERE AM I GOING TO GET 4K FOR SOCCER?!?!?!? O_O

gtg, chatting with james. :))

and i have to "prepare" for Club noah. >:))

P.s. All i ask of you is officially my song for *him*

Toodly oodly!

For once, I actually don’t regret my last, few days of school. Yesterday, I was able to spend time with Ria, who came with me to clear my admin records. We both experienced a life changing moment when we saw the lady in the other room (clear glass divider) pick her nose like there was no tomorrow. We waited a long number of minutes before someone was called, ie the booger lady to accommodate us. She gave me a piece of paper and pen with her….*ahem* booger finger. Of course, a glance was shared but when she left bursts of laughter just kept on going.

Today, I went to galle after school, in my uniform, I felt like a bloody loner, and like a bloody idiot but no matter. *HE* made me feel better. *HE* was able to see me because of my uniform. My green and beige uniform, my upside down tree skirt and blouse, my complete outfit.

You have no idea how it feels to have a crush come up to you to say hi and make ‘beso beso’ twice. It’s just.. wonderful. *He* was uber nice, which is quite surprising since that last time I talked to *him* that way was when I was around 6. *He* made up for the 8 years we haven’t been talking casually with just one meeting. *He* is soooooo cute. Well not TOTALLY cute and shit, but *he’s* so nice. And that’s what counts. I called Cara right away to make kwento.


I’m still kilig. Ü

I don’t care about social anymore, today’s just been wonderful. Ü

I hate you. I know you’ll never be able to read this but I still hate you. I still hate you for your decision, I still hate you for being where you are now. You’re so stupid, do you know that? SO STUPID for doing that.

You’re supposed to be older than me, Arent you?! You’re supposed to be a role model. WHY DID YOU DO THIS THEN!? WHY?! I don’t understand. Please please please be better. Please tell me you’re going to live healthy from now on. Please tell me you’ll stop. Please please PLEASE tell me that you’re going to be okay…

Today was our LAST regular school day for the school year. Today was a day for a lot of lasts. Last shake of Sari's hand, last lunch, last fms whole day. Last last last. I gave sari my planner, but I kind of think that I want it back...

Do you mind Sari?

It's like a journal to me. Maybe we can trade. Maybe if you give me yours, i'll feel better:)) pleasE?

I dont want to be a sophomore yet, I really dont. I want the seniors to stay, I want Regine to be here, I want hopi to still be my huggie partner.

I really want to cry right now but I cant, or else i'll be too tired to study. I'll miss seeing Sari everyday, i'll miss Cara sitting in front of me and Shelley doing 'turtle' ANYTIME i want. I'll miss it all.

I dont like this. I dont like this at all.

On my way home, I was thinking a HELL lot of things but now that I have the computer to right on, somehow, i've forgotten everything.

I dub 'I miss you' by incubus as my first year song.

I'll ABSOLUTELY miss you guys. :(

What did I do today?

1) I definitely didnt go to the Food Fest

2) I definitely didnt go to grands

3) I barely studied.

The only thing exciting that happened today was that I helped Job catch a prankster. Someone claiming that she was from brent. Haha! She didnt even know who Matteo was. :") Oh well. Thanks Cara for helping out too, even though you didnt know anything about it! :p

Now that I think about it, I'd like to say thank you to Regine and Hopi for being such great friends. When you guys move and leave me, I wont ever meet anyone like you guys ever again.. :(

I have a lot of friends who are leaving me. It's really depressing, and next year, it'll be new classmates, new teachers and the mafia will probably in different classes. Sari and I have used all our luck already.
:(


I'll miss you guys!

This past week has been hell for me. I feel totally harrassed and tortured. One week of no sleep can really kill you. From the english play to the science long test, i've exerted all my efforts. Science was bullshit. So much for hard, i was planning to stay up to 3 but nah, i decided to fuck it. Turns out, it was easier than her normal quizzes.

This week, i even burnt my own hair accidentally.

twice did I carry a rattan set up AND down the stairs. My whole body is screaming for rest, and yet I still have a CLE projet to do, a whole bunch of papers to study and other stuff that i cant seem to name right now.

Tomorrow I have..plans.

well, i might.

If Cara can go, she's picking me up so we can both go to laguna to go brent's food fest. It's either that or grands or I stay home.

*crosses fingers*

I wish Cara could go, i REALLY want to see matteo. :))



seeeee? i even named my tigger matteo. :(

i'll see you guys around:P

this past week's been killing me. I'm not doing so well in surviving. I envy my dancing mouse, it keeps on dancing despite all odds. I wanted to make a new icon but then i remember, 'wait, my adobe's gone' I really miss it. :(

I just came home from practice, and it was okay. but now i really feel like shit. I'm so fcuking tired. I'm just glad to be home.

I havent had any sleep sine last week. If I dont sleep early today, i wont be sleeping til summer. It's taking so long for summer to come and I'm still unsure of what I'm really doing. I really want to take up soccer and guitar but something's itching me to play the piano again. God, i miss the sound of those keys playing Bitter sweet memories that keep rushing back to me. It just feels really nice, hearing the keys playing. I feel... secure. Ü

I might need to take up swimming too but i'm not so sure. There'll still be debate but I'm planning to try out as a student adj. that would be pretty cool. ;)

I cant wait til this week's over. It's too much stress for me to handle. I wish I was going to act for a play but since i'm the leader, I cant. it's going to be to heavy for me. daw

I really need to study science, i could do so much better if i studied. Hindi sapat

I have to reach my own expectations. I'm almost there, but I'm not sure if my conduct's going to be agreeing with me. After miss witnessing the whole scream fest between me and someone, [actually i wasnt screaming, only someone was], i dont think i'll be getting that second honor award.

Puchhuhh..

Seniors are finally done with school, and i feel really sad. The end for our togetherness at the highschool is nearing and I just cant take it. I just want to thank you all the mc seniors who have been really nice to me...[no special order]

Benz.Nash.Hayde.Chel.Ampao.Eloise.Marianne.Dianne.
[shit. my brain stopped there. let me do that later.]

and to all those other school seniors, debater seniors that have been nothing but great friends/ates/kuyas...

theresa.claire.franz.miko.adrian.dani.carlo.jamie.toomanytomention.amp.sakitsaulomagisip.

You guys get the point. I wuv you guys. Tekkur.

i hate school sometimes.

-_-_-_-_-_-

Flattery is a sin, did you know that?
Sometimes you just cant help but feel inept at the things you love. Like for example. English.

I was standing by the teacher's table, talking with Miss. Maita walks to the table with her paper with her [Maita usually submits last. :))] and gives it to Miss.

Out of nowhere, Miss starts complimenting Maita. How she could write so well, how her words could express so much and suddenly, I felt so out of place. Especially when she said,

' You know you can be a writer '

I seriously wanted to back away from that statement. Miss turned to me and said:

'You too Lisane, you'll go far'

I dont know whether to believe her or not. It wasnt something spontaneous. Neither was it special. It was a one sentence follow up of what she told Maita.

Sometimes I wish I didnt have ears.

with my whole week being a bust, i'm just glad the weekend's here. But before I go to the good part of my week, let's run through the happenings of my horrible week:

"talk"
elections
[i lost]
stressing about New Yorker
derma
[it still hurts even
though i do it every
week]
projects gaalloorree

Yesterday, My new yorker in tondo group came over to practice. We finished early [i stood in a lot] and just played the ps. It was funny since, Hopi was taking over. She was in full authority, even though she said that I was going to have to do it. She said being Totoy is what she'll only do. Then, being asst. director, she led the group more than i did. *shame on me*

Marvel vs. Capcom for Mica.:P

When the sun came down, after playing rival schools, la familia went to the mall. My sister really wanted to buy a goldfish so we spent our whole time looking at the goldfish. [my sister's sniffing the towel her luvy gave her][eww]

Then we found 'GEORGE'. He's a white goldfish [ironic] with a red cap.

Why george?
In sabrina[audrey hepburn] there was a gold fish in a fountain named george. And that was it.

we begged my mom to buy george for us and she did.

I own 10% of george.

In the middle of the night, I went down and talked to George. Watching him swim isnt that boring anyway. Talking to George was weird but it made me feel better even though i knew he'd already forgotten what i said. [3 second memory span]

This year, i'm going to be more open minded. I wont limit myself to the guild. I need back ups. i'm playing soccer,tennis, i'll swim, play the guitar and the organ. I'm going to jam with my bandS during fridays and I'll be more content. I'll feel more fullfilled.

Yeah, that's what i'll do.

:)

you know what's weird? To walk in your sister and her "suitor" ALMOST kissing. I mean REALLY close. I was bouncing my way to the living room and I see this guy going near my sister with my sister ready to pucker up. Woaah men. It's scary.

After a woops i rushed to my room to blog.

Wahahahhahaha.

O_O

Still shocked about it.

She tried telling me about how I even read books with sex [gossip girl] but then I tell her, blair isnt my sister.

woah.

What a day.

I wonder how the tryoutees went...?

These past few days have been so messed up for me.

Where do I even begin?!

The "talk" yesterday really hit me. I think everyone saw that since I was bawling. I knew that I've done a lot of things wrong. So, starting today, I'll be correcting them.

But I dont want to stress on that further, let me talk about today.

Congratulations to Pia and Carla and Petra..!!

I'm so proud knowing you guys.

Congratulations to the new officers...!

pres...Anna
vp.....gica
sec....rabang
tres...tamz
log....maita

Of course, I tried running for Log head, i mean, I really wanted that position since the start of the school year. Maita won by ten votes, totally fair and she's totally worth losing against.

Maita.
Who is maita?
She's one of those people who surprise you with the things she can do. I'm disappointed that I lost but at least I lost to her.

I cant think of anyone else who'd be better for the position.

Make us proud maits. :P

Chaz.
I seriously think there should be a Chaz appreciation day. She's always there for me event though she does give me the crappiest advice sometimes. She's ALWAYS there. No matter what. I appreciate that she voted for me despite my small chance of winning. Thank you so much Chaz. I know you wont be able to read this but... well... *hugs*

Dayum. Ym isnt working. -______________-" i hate this.
My day isnt just going right. *sigh*

Pros of not being an officer..
I can put more attention to my guitar, piano and band...Ü
Maybe, there's something else for me.
I can feel it.
It's there. :P

DANCE HAMSTER DANCE.

"luck is when preparation crosses roads with opportunity.."

Trying to write about something when you havent done anything is hard. I've been doing nothing but play with paper dolls, watch movies [again] and eat.

I'm about to get my guitar and play again. Playing the guitar makes me frustrated nowadays. Maybe because I cant play that well, or because I cant 'rock' as much. It makes me feel inept. But i just need to keep trying right?

I want to take up classical guitar this summer, you know to make it easier for me to learn. I want to learn more than the usual chords. But then again, i want to play the piano again. Which one should I?

Concerning English, I have no idea how I'm going to Ayala heights. This whole project is driving me nuts. Having all the responsibilty is really a burden. I dont even want it. Thanks to Carla, i know where to get my set rather than bringing the one i have at home.

Pray for me guys, I need luck and prayer. Dayum.

Signing out.Ü

"be a normal person"
-my mom

so..... staying inside the car listening to music makes me weird... i mean, come on. it was hot outside and all i wanted to do at that time was sleep and listen to my discman.
And that my friends makes me weird.

Which to me, is a bit weird. My mom tends to say things that are way out of line. Things that arent connected to each other but still hurt.

Oh well right?

The family day was extremely boring. My parents and I went, signed, ate and then left. Nothing would compare to the competition that happened on this same day. I kinda feel down that I didnt get to go but still, I seriously need to do something else.

I watched movies the whole day.

From finishing my sassy girl to windstruck then school of rock then to my little black book and lastly ella enchanted.

My sassy girl was cute. Actually, it kind of gave me an idea. I was thinking of making a website filled with funky love stories made by me and well. other people.. like moku.Ü i think she'll like that. : p

But it'll get me somewhere right? I mean, not in the famous authore thing but at the shapening of my skill. I would really love to write more than I do now. Summer's coming. I may have my chance. :) My mom finally allowed me to take AFC this summer.

Football here I come!

you still joining moks?Ü